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| A Bemused Albert Einstein dadsteachthebible.blogspot.com |
Back in BFT, I thought it would be interesting to write about
DST but, as I quickly discovered, so did apparently every writer and publisher
in America. I now know more than I ever needed to or wanted to about DST. My husband, “Encyclopedia Phil,” beat me by
only one factoid at our dinner table trivia match -- major win for me. I knew there were more deaths due to auto
accidents and heart attacks on the Monday after the clock change, but didn’t
know about the strokes. (Damn!)
In all those now wasted hours of
research, I also learned that the idea originated with Benjamin Franklin in an
article written during a visit to Paris in 1784, and was meant to be a joke. Also,
modern DST was created to save energy but doesn’t. And the “Uniform Time Act” of 1966, the
current adoption of DST, is anything but uniform – Arizona, Hawaii, and all of
the U.S. territories are exempted. The
Hopi Reservation (and, technically,
sovereign nation) located in Arizona doesn’t observe it either, but the Navajo
Reservation (also sovereign), encompassing Arizona, Utah, New Mexico, and the Hopi Reservation,
does. Alaska, Nevada, and Florida do, but
don’t want to. Michigan didn’t but does
now. Colorado wants to do it year round. And then there’s Indiana... a veritable can
of time zone worms. Twelve Indiana
counties observe CST/CDT, while the remaining 80 observe EST/EDT, which is a vast
improvement from 77 counties observing EST, 5 observing EST/EDT
(unofficially), and 10 observing
CST/CDT. But really, unless you live in Indiana, who cares?
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| The Time Zones of Indiana animalswithinanimals.com |
While everyone is yammering on
about DST and time zones, nobody seems to grasp the fact that we have the ability to alter time. We determine what time it is, not those extraneous celestial orbs or that pesky seasonal rotation of the earth. We
are the deciders. So what are we doing with this awesome, Superman
globe-circling power? Messing up our natural
circadian rhythm once a year so we don’t have to drive home from work in the
dark. C’mon, is this really the best we
can do?
I’m not talking about disrupting the space-time continuum. (Besides, Einstein’s Theory of Relativity can easily be disproved by experiencing the
slowing of time through immobility when lying in bed waiting until you can take
another dose of Nyquil.) I’m just asking
for a little creative time management.
For example, rather than disturb everyone’s sleep patterns,
why not just “spring forward” everyday at 4pm, then “fall back” back at 7pm to
avoid the dreaded dark drive home? Or,
like the Greeks and Romans, we could just create a twelve-hour day and vary the
length of the hours during the months when the days are longer. For instance, noon hour would be closer to
ninety minutes, and cocktail hour would be closer to, say, two or three hours. Cheers!
My favorite idea, though, is what I call the Slide Time week. Why be confined to the concept of seven
24-hour days? We could move the clock
forward two or three hours, particularly on days that we would like shortened (Mondays,
e.g.) and push those hours into days we want to linger (Friday eve – Sunday,
e.g.). Once a week we would synchronize our watches, then be off on our sliding
schedules again. Just think of what a
boon this could be for procrastinators who could give themselves several
last-minute hours to meet their deadline. Want to sleep-in Wednesday
morning? No problem! Just slide the clock back a couple hours then
add them later when you find a couple hours you’d just as soon skip over.
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| Slide Time - It's that easy www.onlyaboutall.com |
So, perhaps you’re wondering just how Slide Time would work.
Let’s say the administrative assistant, Susan, calls on
Monday about an important meeting to discuss the decline in sales of widgets at
Friday 4 pm, WURST (Widgets Universally Redundant Slide Time). A quick look at your stylish Slide Time
Swatch watch reveals that 4pm WURST is 8pm MOIST (My Own Important Slide Time)
at which time you will be sitting down to dinner at a great new restaurant in
San Francisco, having taken a flight at 12 noon MOIST and 1pm TSAT
(TSA Time), checked into your choice hotel
and spa, had a long luxurious soak, and put on the amazing dress you bought
especially for that occasion. What to do? Cancel the fabulous weekend
you booked? No way!
“Susan,”
you say. “I'm pretty sure I emailed you last week to say I’ll be sliding ahead on Friday.”
“Really?” says Susan, “I never got it. Oh, wait. It just came in. Sorry, I just took a really
long backslide and haven’t slid all the way forward yet.”
“No problem, I can backslide as much as you need before
Friday. Let’s see, right now its 9am
WURST and 8am MOIST. Let me slide forward... okay, ready sync. What have you got?”
“Well, it looks like Mr. A is backsliding Tuesday, which
should give him a few hours... nope, golfing.
I can slide him forward Wednesday, backslide Ms. C on Thursday...”
“Perfect! I can backslide all day on Thursday.”
“Great! Thursday at 9am, then Mr. A can backslide after that.”
“Is that WURST?”
“Of course it is!”
And that’s all there is to it. It’s so simple! And the simplest solution is always the best, don’t you think?
Okay, I’m going to go lie down now. Maybe have a little soup first.
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